DEPERSONALIZATION:
Depersonalization/derealization disorder is a type of dissociative disorder that consists of persistent or recurrent feelings of being detached (dissociated) from one’s body or mental processes, usually with a feeling of being an outside observer of one’s life (depersonalization) or of being detached from one's surroundings (derealization).
(David Spiegel and Mark Zimmerman, "Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder,"
MSD Manual)
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About 6 months ago I started having this bizarre feeling. Doesn't matter where I am, or who I'm with, It always gets me off guard and haunts me. Just in a random moment I feel like I suddenly fall in this empty void—a realm of absolute non-existence. I still have consciousness but I feel my body disintegrating in this empty void. I feel fear and a deep emotional pain, almost like I died and I have to concede.
At first I couldn't name this feeling/experience that I was having. Then I found the term “Depersonalization”.
I slightly modified the self-developed technique from my earlier series “Body Practice”. But this time I use it to portray the disorientation and emotional complexity of Depersonalization. I start by taking self-portraits, digitally manipulate them, and then print the manipulated photos. Next I create a 3D composition using cutouts of these prints. Finally, I photograph the composition and digitally layer the first manipulated image over it, intending to reflect the experience of Depersonalization.
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